End of the district
by Koujii
Summary: We were getting sick of everything together. I used to be happy. Or that's what I thought. He was never like that. From the day I met him, I knew he had something to hide. A reason for being so unwanted. GrimmIchi. Yaoi


**Ichigo – 13 years old**

There's a high hill at the very end of my district. It's out of bounds for us, not because of all the stories they have made up about it, but because it is deemed a dangerous place.

'It belongs to the Kami* and no one should go there and disrupt the peace.' That's what they say. They don't like talking about what happens there, probably because they don't really know. I think it's because of all the outcasts that left to go there – and never came back.

In the summer our small school decided to go swimming at the nearby pools. I loved swimming. But on that hot, smothering day, I only floated atop the water, my face growing hot and hurting from the heat. I started thinking about the hill, why no one was allowed there, I didn't know. Or why people didn't come back when they went and why I was so drawn to it.

I wanted to have fun on the summer holidays. When school finished my parents made me attend summer school. I wanted to kill myself for it because while I was studying, my friends were outside playing, doing as they pleased. My father was a doctor. He went to Tokyo at the start of every week and came home for two nights, only to be gone again. I almost never saw him. My mum took care of my two little sisters and myself.

* * *

**15 years old**

Heavy rain poured upon us. I loved riding my old bike anywhere, everywhere. It was so small where I lived – I would go around the whole place two times in a day. One day when I was riding, I fell hard over something – someone. He had light unruly teal coloured hair with matching blue eyes.

We became friends. Close. Different is what he was. To people he was many things. An outcast, a delinquent, rebel. No one wanted to be near him or seen with him. He was a real deviant. To me he was everything. All the good and the bad. I wanted all of him.

We were getting sick of everything together. I used to be happy. Or that's what I thought. He was never like that. From the day I met him, I knew he had something to hide. A reason for being so unwanted. One night we broke into our school. We ripped the papers and spilt the ink, smearing it all over the walls. We trashed the classes. I didn't know how to truly feel though. I was empty, uncaring.

We were caught. We got in trouble. It didn't matter how many times my family looked at me like I was dishonourable. They didn't say anything. They didn't need to. Their eyes said everything.

* * *

**17 years old**

Two years after that, I was older and taller. And by now I knew I didn't want anything to do with this life anymore. Grimmjow was the same. But he became violent, only wanting to harm someone or himself. One night he grabbed me, threw me to the ground with a growl. I knew I made him angry. I just didn't think it much a thing. But I was angry too and with all that pent up frustration, want and desire stronger than any other feeling of fury, we hurt each other.

We ripped and scratched, tearing at each other's clothes. Punching and kicking. I bit him, drawing his blood into my mouth, smearing it over his mouth and bitting his lips hard enough to make him snarl. I hated him. I hated him so much. I wanted nothing from him and at the same time I wanted _everything._

My mother and father got a divorce. My dad took my sisters away to live in Tokyo because my mother was sick – disillusioned. She said she saw spirits, screaming and biting at our hands when we tried to help her. No one knew what was wrong. Everyone in this shit hole believed it was really evil spirits, coming to get her, to punish her reincarnation. I don't think that was the only reason dad left her though. She died a year after. I considered her dead five months before that. All she did was stare at the corner of the ceiling. I pretended like I really knew nothing, saw nothing. I could see the black hollow like spirit in the corner of the ceiling just as well as she could.

People were scared of what they didn't know. I realised that when I started looking at Grimmjow differently. I wasn't scared of dying or those spirits I saw every night. I was scared of myself – not knowing how I truly felt, why I wanted Grimmjow to feel the same and only to touch me, hold me, love me. But I doubted those from him.

* * *

**18 years old**

I was alone. Every day. Every night. Forgotten, unwanted. A strange abomination. A deviant. Everyone made me angry. Everything made me worse. I set a part of school on fire. No one knew it was me. Only, Grimmjow did. He looked at me with a smirk on his face the next day while everyone freaked out. He made me mad, so mad. I wanted to wrap my fingers around his neck and tear that smirk off his face. Hurt him. Have him hurt me.

I stopped him while he walked home. He tried to blow me off but I grabbed him by the shoulder and tugged harsh, making him sneer at me. But he grinned.

"What? Can't control yerself?"

We were in my small house, pulling our clothes off, kissing and biting every flesh we saw. I wanted him, the pain, and the hurt. It all seemed to bundle into one making me want to scream, to vent all out on him. He done this to me, changed me, spent time on me, broke rules, got me confused and made me hate myself. And then he left – avoided me, acted like I wasn't there, like I didn't exist. I burnt the school to get his attention. I became worse for him. Only him.

"What do you want?" He whispered huskily into my ear, feeling my body in his big hands and watching me with a fixated gaze.

"Everything from you."

He filled me, made me shudder. My spine tingled and I sobbed when he moved harder and faster each time he thrust in and out of me. He didn't care, I could feel it. Making me cum harder than I ever did before, leaving me spent on my floor. He only used me like I used him, only getting what we craved –never what we wanted. I wanted the one thing he wouldn't give me. Never gave me. There was no love, no soft spoken words or confessions. Nothing. There was nothing at all.

* * *

We finally did it one night. In the pouring rain, in the middle of the night we rode up the hill. It wasn't out of the ordinary. There were overgrown trees and old wooden signs written in ancient kanji. There was a Torri* separating us between the real world to the spiritual one. And a shrine nearby also old and unused, forgotten and unwanted. Just like me, like us.

We prayed. I didn't know why. We went there to kill ourselves, yet we were praying and for a moment I felt surreal peace. When I opened my eyes, it surprised me to see no hole in my chest. Dying didn't seem like the only option anymore. I suddenly felt like there was more to life than just being born, going through shit and then dying. Even though I didn't want to be here anymore, even though I was so _sick_ of everyone and everything around me, I just couldn't kill myself.

"I change my mind," it was a whisper. Against the hard rain I didn't think Grimmjow heard me, but he did. He looked at me, eyebrows drawn together in betrayal. His hair was dark and slicked and his eyes, full of pain.

"This is what we came here to do."

"I know," he wasn't looking at me anymore.

"Now what?"

"I don't know."

It was silent between us, no spoken words. We listened to the rain pelting against us, creating an unnerving aura, almost frightening.

After that night I went back to my house. I debated with myself the whole night, fighting a war in my mind. I packed my belongings, put them neatly into my suitcase then ripped them back out angrily, screaming at myself in the dead of the night. I slept long and deep, dreaming of one of those spirits again. I call them hollows because they're hollow in body and spirit, with holes in their figures, trying to fill their emptiness. Maybe I was like one too, that's probably why I could see them.

When I woke up I felt different and the same. I was lonely and without a thought. Empty. Just like a hollow spirit. I didn't know what was going on. But I wanted something. I wanted to leave, and so I did. I left Grimmjow before he could desert me again.

* * *

**Age Unspecified**

I didn't hear from Grimmjow in years. I didn't want to see him again. Even when I wanted him all those years ago, even when I let him do what he did, watched things tremble in his quake. It all now seemed barbaric. I loved him. But now I wished I never knew him, to spare myself from this grief.

* * *

**Kami – **gods in Japanese Shinto.

**Torii – **A gateway of a Shinto temple.

It's a little weird, I know lol. It's pretty much going through stages of Ichigo's life.  
Please review and tell me what you think of this – or if you have any questions.


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